Bile

(The Scene: An evening in a regular London pub. The bar isn’t crowded, there are only two couples in the booths. Two men at the bar, friends by the look of it. One drinking a pint of dark beer)

Man 1: So Lucy called. Said she was gonna pack all of her stuff and head back to her mum’s. Her life’s too precious to spend livin’ with a waster, she says.

Man 2: All her stuff? Well that’s okay, then. Give her a couple of days’ head start to get her suitcases sorted before you go apologizing.

Man 1: (Chuckles) Nah, she’ll come around sooner than that. She’s not a bad bird, that one. Think I may actually settle down with her.

Man 2: Yeah?

Man 1: Yeah, yeah, y’know… it’s not a bad idea, really. I mean, I could always quit this job and find one that pays more. She won’t half mind marrying me, I know that. Yeah… maybe I could just get this bird for keepers.

Man 2: Pays more, eh? And where exactly do you propose to find such gainful employment, old boy?

Man 1: Well, there’s my uncle Andy who’s in the fishing business. Maybe I could start working for him. Smelly job, but I could make it work

Man 2: Well, good luck to you then mate. There’s many a young lad you see these days walking around all over the place absolutely clueless, just gawking around like they didn’t know how they got to this part of their lives. But then again, not every marriage has to end that way.”

Man 1: Now now, let’s behave, shall we? Saaaaay… what about you though?

Man 2: Well, what about me?

Man 1: What’s your scene then? I saw you the other day with the girl in red…

Man 2: (curtly)...forget about that one. Didn’t work out

Man 1: Somebody else then?

Man 2: No. And that’s all we’re hearing about that.

Man 1: Robert, you can’t just keep tossing them all off like that, you know. You’ve gotta give it a shot!

Robert: No, I don’t have to give it a shot. Dating’s a game for good looking people. You talk, joke, charm, take witty digs at a person who five minutes ago was your closest mate, with a twinkle in your eye as it’s all in good fun, for you. Then get close and fake a connection, an intimacy you never had and never wanted. And once the roses and rainbows have dried up, have a short, solemn farewell and move desultorily until your next salvo of jokes, pickup lines and coy glances across the table gets a response.

Well, I’m not smart, and the only person calling me good looking is my mum. I’m going to fuck all this and wait for the woman I’ll want to spend the rest of my days with to come by. Then I’ll stand by and watch closely until she’s taken by the next man who has it in him to ask her out.”

Man 1: And then?

Robert: Then I’ll wait for the next one and do the same. Meantimes, I’ll think of the ones gone past. Makes for an interesting hobby, introspection. Never get’s old, you know. You can look inside of you for hours and years, and still not find what it is that makes you the twisted, distorted, low-down pile of garbage you think you are. And as the years pass by, there’s only more and more things to look at.”

Man 1: There you go again, talking crazy. That’ll be enough now, me boy. Your pint’s all empty. ‘nother one?

Robert: No… Not today, Chet. Here (places a five-pound note on the bar). Keep the change.”

Chet: Always a pleasure, guv. You have a good day!

(Robert gets up and walks out of the bar. Chet wipes the bar counter clean with a dishcloth, and moves over to serve the couples.)